


Formally Known As...

by DreamedInScarlet



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - School, Bullying, Dan has no friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Violence, New Student Phil, Phil needs to catch up on work, Tutor Dan, implied depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 12:49:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7845730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamedInScarlet/pseuds/DreamedInScarlet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Howell has no friends. He prefers that to the alternative, attention from idiot bullies. For years his days are the lonely, boring, and nearly identical until a new student, Phil Lester, transfers to the school. Dan doesn't want to get his hopes up, but maybe, just maybe, things can change for the better. </p><p> </p><p>TW: bullying, (implied) depression, panic attacks</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! This is my first fic in the Phandom and I'm very excited! I just want to say that this is a work of fiction. Dan and Phil are real people and I do not assume to know anything beyond what is public. In this way their personas are acting as characters in this fic. I never want to make anyone feel uncomfortable! 
> 
> Please let me know what you think, send me promps, kudos, comments, anything! I love feedback and new ideas. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Secondary school is rarely easy. Pivotal transitions and differences seem to be highlighted in the school-arena, packed with hormones and immature minds. Some kids find it harder than others to get high marks, but the social aspect of it all is no challenge. Sometimes it’s the opposite. It’s not that these students are unlikable, it’s more that the awkward developing stages of physical and emotional growth can really stint one’s social-life. Sometimes it’s a short-term issue. In Daniel’s case it feels like a chronic disease. 

Primary school wasn’t extremely different, but while younger kids seem to have no filter, they also don’t understand the concept of societal norms. In primary school Daniel could get away with keeping to himself, wearing soft knitted jumpers that his parents and aunties thought he looked cute in, and sticking close to the teachers. The transition to secondary school is like an electric shock to the nipples. Maybe that simile comes from the scarring memory of the first purple-nurple Daniel receives from the older students after walking in the door that first fateful morning.  

After the first few days of torment Daniel decides that he is going to change. No one likes him the way he was anyway and successfully lying to his parents about his bruises wouldn’t last long. The comfortable jumpers turn to black tops and skinny jeans. His curly hair that matched his once-soft appearance is straightened out, the heat of the iron burning away the boy-formally-known-as-Daniel. 

The beatings eventually stop when his bullies look into his eyes and see nothing. No fear, no sense of panic, just an empty stare. It wasn’t fun for them any more. Dan sees that as a success. While his catalyst for change is dealt with, he wishes his secondary reason was more fruitful: making friends. Dan had hoped that changing every fundamental thing about himself would mean someone might finally notice him; he soon learns that pretending to be somebody else is a lot of effort, especially when nothing comes of it. 

Dan’s life is like a rerun of a bad TV show. He wakes up, finds the blackest clothes to wear, and drags himself to school where he silently takes notes. He sits in the middle of the class when he can. He learned early on that the front makes him look too earnest and the back is a prime location to get teased by kids that think they’re cool. He eats his lunch by a tree outside. When it rains he sits under the awning by the tree where no one disturbs him. This goes on for about 5 years. 

In that time Dan learns a lot about himself. He realises that he’s naturally gifted in school but that doesn’t mean he enjoys it. He’s good at piano and finds anime entertaining. Mostly, Dan discovers that he likes theatre. This news is not entirely surprising as he’s used to acting every day of his life. It’s nice to get into character, to have to think other thoughts and react differently than he normally would. He hesitantly attended a theatre meeting at the beginning of Year 10 and has grown to be pretty involved now in Year 12. It’s not like he gained many friends from it. Sure, the other members like PJ and Chris appreciate his acting and may casually nod to him in the halls, but he wouldn’t go as far as to call them friends.

Everything changes three weeks into Year 12 when a new student by the name of Phil Lester ends up in Dan’s classes. Nearly all of them. He is seated next to Dan since most of the desks around him are usually empty. Dan blames Phil talking to him on this fact of locality. 

“Hey Dan? It is Dan, right?” Dan probably looks like someone dumped a bucket of ice on him the first time Phil speaks to him. 

“Oh, um, yeah. That’s me... Dan.” Could he  _ be  _ more awkward?! 

“Great! I’m sorry if I bother you, but you’re in most of my classes and I was wondering if I could maybe ask for your help catching up during lunch?” He rushes to continue, “I totally get it if you’re too busy or would rather sit with your friends during your lunches but I just figured that it would be easier to ask one person rather than try to organise with several people and I’m probably asking too much of you this was an awful idea...” Phil doesn’t stop rambling. Dan thinks that it’s a happy balance to his own never speaking and then starts to panic because it seems like Phil is waiting for him to respond. Phil wants to talk to him! Granted it’s only for school purposes but still!

“Phil.” Dan whispers, but the boy doesn’t hear him over his own babbling. “Phil.” He says a little louder. “Phil!” He nearly shouts and some of his classmates turn around and stare for a second before going back to whatever they were doing while waiting for the lesson to start. Phil looks at him with that deer-in-headlights expression. “I was just going to say that I would be fine with helping you catch up. I’m sure my presence won’t be missed too much over a few lunches.”  _ Playing it cool Dan, good one.  _ Yeah, his tree would totally miss him.

“That’s great! I mean, thank you so much! When would you be able to start?” Phil’s enthusiasm is intimidating. No one has been that excited talking to Dan in… well, ever. 

“I’m free starting today. Lucky you caught me at a free week.” Actor-Dan wins again. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan teaches Phil, Phil learns that Dan has a knack for sarcasm, and they both realise that they have more in common than they could have imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many ideas for other fics but I want to bang this one out because it's a nice easy write.. well, it should be but my mind keeps spinning. Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading, guys! xoxo

Lunch in the library is nice. Lunch with Phil is nice. Dan figured that a day or two into his revisions with Phil he would feel uncomfortable and miss his tree, but it’s been a week and everything has been going really well. Phil is a fast study and, with the work they’ve gotten done so far, Phil should be all caught up within a few more days. Dan almost wishes that there was more work to do because soon Phil won’t need to hang around him anymore and it’s been nice to have someone to talk to, even if it is only about quadratic equations, European history, and chemistry. Except, that’s not all they talk about. In their chats Dan and Phil learn that they share a lot of interests. They both like YouTube, anime, Muse, and seemingly everything else. It feels like friendship but Dan knows it won’t last so he doesn’t get too invested. Every time Phil makes a joke or shows an interest in Dan’s life he has to remind himself that Phil is just being friendly because it would be awkward otherwise.

When the final day of tutoring comes to an end, Dan slowly zips up his backpack and prepares himself to say goodbye to Phil for the last time. That seems dramatic seeing as they’re in so many classes together, but he has no expectation of continued exchanges, so he might as well bid Phil farewell.

“Well, I guess this is it. I hope your classes go well for you.” Dan says almost solemnly.

“Thank you so much for everything, Dan. I feel more prepared than I probably would have if I had been sitting in class all year!” Phil smiles his usual sunshiny smile and a silence settles between them. Dan can’t decipher whether or not it’s an awkward silence or not, but it doesn’t feel like the moment for parting. Phil continues, “I guess now you can go back to sitting with your friends at lunch. I’m sure they’ve missed you.” Phil’s eyes cast downward when he finishes talking, but shoot back up to meet Dan’s when he snickering.

“Oh yeah, I’m sure the tree behind the gym has been really lonely without me sitting there alone every day.” What does he have to lose at this point really? Phil’s done with him so he doesn’t need to seem cool anymore. Plus, now that he knows Phil and has seen what a kind person he is, lying just feels worse.

“What do you mean? That’s a joke right?” There’s latent confusion developing across Phil’s face and Dan wonders if Phil was into theatre at his old school because that’s some skilled work right there.

“Yeah, ‘course. I have so many friends. I’m probably the most popular person in school, Phil. Haven’t you noticed how no one ever speaks to me or looks my way? That’s true popularity there.” Dan has always been a sarcastic asshole. He chuckles at his own hilarity but stops when he notices that Phil seriously doesn’t seem to be copping on. Either this boy deserves an award or he really doesn’t believe Dan.

  
“Wait, are you trying to tell me that you don’t have any friends because I have to say that I find that very hard to believe.” Dan’s nod seems to draw something out in Phil because his once-confused, beautiful blue eyes sharpen. “Well I happen to know that is a lie.” Before Dan has a chance to argue, Phil goes on. “You have a friend. A good friend that you have a lot in common with. A friend that cares about you.” The smile returns and Dan understands. He has a friend. A real friend. He has Phil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A friendship has begun! Yay!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Dan-and-Phil' draw more attention than just 'Dan' and he isn't taking it well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! I hope you're enjoying so far. Let me know what you think and I'll love you forever 
> 
>  
> 
> ADDITIONAL TRIGGER WARNINGS for the next chapter: homophobia, homophobic language/action.

From that day on Dan and Phil sit under the tree and eat lunch together. They talk about music, shows, favorite Youtubers, fears, hopes, dreams, everything. They talk before classes start and Dan drags Phil to some theatre group meetings. They go to each other’s houses after school and on weekends. They become best friends.

“I’ve never had a best friend before.” Dan states one day in between their games of Portal and Mario Kart. He realises after he says it that it’s probably pretty obvious, but it gets Phil’s attention.

“I haven’t either.” Phil replies quietly. This is new information. The dark-haired boy elaborates and Dan notices he’s feeling lightheaded. He should probably breathe or something. “I grew up moving a lot. I’ve been in 5 different secondary schools and whenever I start to get settled we leave again. I’ve always felt like I didn’t have a chance to really get to know people or make good friends. Usually people aren’t jumping to be friends with the new kid.” While it’s nice in a weird way that they’re each other’s first bestie, Dan feels unsettled.

“That’s terrible Phil. You’re amazing. You definitely deserve a best friend.”

“So do you Danny. We deserve each other.” The silence that settles now is a content one, but Dan can’t let himself fully indulge in the moment. 

“Hey Philly, are you going to move away before next year do you think?” The thought alone breaks his heart. Is that normal for friendship? He wouldn’t know. 

Phil looks at him, stands from his seat on the footstool by Dan’s armchair, and engulfs his friend in the tightest hug ever. Disheartened, Dan looks into Phil’s eyes expecting bad news. He really should try to be more optimistic. “You can’t get rid of me that easily. I’m staying right here until university. We moved because of mum’s work but she signed into a two year minimum contract at this location so I’m been guaranteed the ability to finish secondary out in Reading.” For the first time in a long time Dan smiles. 

Dan and Phil get even closer after Dan knows he won’t have to suffer through the last one and a half years alone. People notice. 

Dan had deliberately crafted his image down to his extra-black laces. Since no one prior to Phil spoke to him, his appearance was all he had to show for himself in the company of his peers. Once the beatings stopped and people got bored with the “Daniel Howell thinks he’s a vampire” rumor, he was virtually invisible and that’s the way he liked it. Now that he has Phil he can practically feel people staring at them and he kind of wants to throw himself in the bin or off a cliff because  _ no thanks.  _ The staring isn’t the worst part, no, that would be the whispering. He pretends he doesn’t know what they’re saying. He lies even to himself. He wonders if Phil is doing the same or if he even knows because he seems entirely too unperturbed for the situation. 

On a gloomy Tuesday afternoon, Dan and Phil find themselves studying in the confines of Dan’s cramped and humid room. Their study sessions usually go pretty well considering they met via tutoring, but today Dan is having trouble focusing. 

“Do you know what everyone at school is saying about us?” He blurts out, eyes unable to meet those of his best friend.    

Phil puts his notebook down on his lap and simply replies, “Yes.”

“You do? Are you sure? If you know for sure how are you so calm about it?” Dan’s questions become more frantic. “Phil, they’re calling us… they’re saying we’re…”

“Gay.” Phil finishes for him. Dan finally meets his gaze. He hadn’t anticipated Phil knowing, not really. Even if a part of him did, he still didn’t expect this calm demeanor. Dan is silent for a beat then takes a deep breath in and exhales his breath and apprehension. 

“Yes, Phil. They’re saying we’re gay. They’re saying we’re gay together, that we’re kissing and fucking and I honestly don’t understand how you’re so calm right now.” He’s surprised at his own leveled-speaking at this point too.

“I understand what you’re saying, why you’re upset. I understand why you’re confused. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not comfortable with them talking about us behind our backs. Regardless of what they’re saying it’s none of their business.” Phil seems to stall then, eventually continuing with less confidence than before. “I guess I’m not as bothered by it because I know that, at least in my case, they’re not entirely wrong. Obviously we’re not together or kissing or sleeping together!” He quickly adds, Dan’s eyes widening at this development. “But, what I’m trying to say I guess is that… I am gay.” Phil hesitantly looks up at Dan whose eyes lock onto Phil’s as his moves to hold Phil’s hand.

“Hey. Don’t ever be afraid to tell me something, okay? So, you’re gay. That changes nothing about who you are. You’re my best friend. My only best friend ever and I wouldn’t want to change anything about you.” Phil’s eyes are watering a little bit and he’s never felt so lucky to have someone in his life. “And, if we’re being honest, I think that I’m taking it so hard for the same reason you aren’t. Phil, I think I’m gay too.”

They don’t kiss. There’s no dramatic declaration of love. At that moment, nothing exists but the friendship between Dan and Phil. At that moment nothing could ruin what they have. Reality, this time, isn’t a shock to the nipples, it’s a very literal punch to the jaw.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mixed emotions! What do you think so far?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tension, panic attacks, homophobia, resolution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the last chapter! (Probably. My question to you is: do I write a sexy chapter? wink wink nudge nudge? Maybe?) Either way, please let me know what you think of this chapter, the work over all, anything! As always you can send me a prompt, email me about life, you know. Thank you for reading my first Phanfic xoxoxoxo

It happens when they least expect it. Dan is walking down the hallway on his way to meet Phil at his locker when he notices a familiar group of people surrounding the area. He bolts down the hall just in time to hear “-- you’re just a faggot aren’t you? I bet you sucked Howell’s dick last night, didn’t you? I just wonder, does he fuck you or is it the other way around?” That’s when the first punch is thrown and it hits Phil straight in the jaw. He’s clearly stunned from the blow and isn’t prepared for the subsequent hits from, what Dan had previously dubbed, the ‘croney crew.’ At this point Dan realises he’s just standing there watching his best friend being beaten. He isn’t thinking when he shouts.

“HEY!” All attention is on him now. Great. He has to think of something. Even just to give Phil time to recover and run. He doesn’t know what to say. “What the hell do you think you’re doing‽” Well, they definitely won’t care about Phil now. 

“What do  _ I  _ think I’m doing? I  _ think  _ I’m beating up your boyfriend here for being a freak. Maybe I’ll do the same to you. Just like old times, right Howell?” Dan steels himself for a punch but it never comes. Insead he looks up to find everyone scattering, a teacher seemingly having walked by and disturbing the scene. 

Dan can feel the familiar bubble of panic; the sensation of being trapped in his own skin causing him to want to scratch his skin off, scream, and isolate himself from the world. Phil can see it too. He pulls himself up off the floor, already feeling the bruises forming but ignoring everything for Dan. They walk-limp to the toilets where Phil sits Dan down and begins to talk to him. 

“Hey Danny.” He nearly whispers. “I know you’ve told me you get panic attacks and I think that’s what’s happening. I just want you to know that you’re with me and you’re safe. We’re gonna report them and they’re gonna be expelled and it’ll be okay. We are okay. You rescued me. You’re my hero Dan.” Phil smiles and moves to hold Dan’s hand but thinks better of it while Dan is in this state. “I’m here for you for whatever you need, forever. You’re my best friend now and always.” Phil remembers hearing something about breathing and panic attacks so he attempts to make his calm first then proceed to have Dan imitate his breaths. Eventually Dan breathes out a sigh and hesitantly reaches for Phil’s hand. Phil takes it gently and in that moment everything is… well it’s not good. It’s not good but it is okay, they are okay, and that’s what matters.

The next few weeks are hard. Dan talks to Phil more about his history bullying. He tells him about the way he was before, when he was Daniel and why he changed. 

“You can change back if you want.” Phil says. “Those bullies are gone now. They can’t come onto school grounds and if you want to change back I’ll support you 100%.”

“I appreciate that so much Phil but I think- I think this is me now too.” He says, gesturing to his clothes.

“Well, I love you, whichever you you want to be.” There is no hesitancy in Phil’s voice. His eyes are steady with Dan’s, faces centimeters away, and Phil means every word.

“I love you too, Phil.” 

Dan leans in to press his lips to Phil’s. It’s tentative and sweet. Phil pulls Dan closer so their bodies are flat against each other, but it’s not aggressive. He holds Dan like he might break apart. He holds him like he may lose him if he isn’t careful enough. Phil holds Dan like he’s the most precious person in the world. That’s because, to Phil, he is.

They kiss until they need air, a pesky human necessity. Their lips are chapped and sore but it doesn’t stop Dan from kissing every part of Phil’s skin that he can see. He places kisses up and down Phil’s arms, legs, and neck where he finds a sensitive-ticklish spot that he focuses on for a while. He kisses Phil’s sides and stomach, then lies on top of Phil and returns to kissing his lips. Phil rubs circles on Dan’s back and relishes in his ability to love his best friend and have his love in return.

_ A few months later: _

Dan and Phil walk hand in hand into the school building for the first day of their last year. A few people glance their way but for the most part no one cares. Even if they did, Dan and Phil wouldn’t notice. They were too busy discussing the final details of the creation of their joint YouTube channel.

This first day is starkly different to last year’s, it’s different than every day before Phil. Dan is wearing trainers with colourful laces. He’s holding hands with his best friend that he gets to kiss whenever he wants. If Dan is certain of anything now it’s that one day, one moment, one person can change everything. It's only a matter of time. 


End file.
